by Jamie Hayes
First of all, saying these four words "Anxious To Be Me" excites me!
For this reason alone I know I am going to have so much fun. I believe the only valid reason for doing anything is because it feels good.
I also love the way 'anxious to be me' could mean the crippling uncertainty of trying to be the person I want to be or the excitement at the possibilities of being the person I know I am.
My writings are largely from my own experiences, views and insights on my life. I do not by any means think that I have any answers for your life but I believe I have learned a few things that may be helpful.
Living life in quiet desperation, doing the 'right' things and feeling empty is no strange experience to many of us including myself. I personally do not think that feeling empty is the problem, it is what we do or not do about these feelings that make the difference.
I like to think that feeling empty is like exhausting the resources we have in our current state of existence and expansion is required. Imagine being born as a chick nurtured in a shell, the time will come when you MUST shed the shell or risk the possibility of death. Hmmmnn.....
There is so much anxiety in 'shell breaking' that many literally get trapped in a very uncomfortable place were the shell no longer fits but the terror of leaving is crippling.
Sometimes, I experience this internal tug to expand but when I look at my environment it feels like any changes I want to make might be impossible. So, I feel I want to change but I also want to be the same as well. Guess what, I go nowhere. I just increase my anxiety and find creative ways to mask it.
Years ago I would not have identified myself as an anxious person. I thought I was just quiet, relatively shy maybe even timid, yet I was looking for the passion in life. I wanted to light up, to feel life flowing through me.
But how? How do you light up? This is where I think a lot of us get stuck, not knowing where to go with all these feelings.
I have heard heroic stories of people finding their passion after some kind of affliction such as an accident or ill health. I wondered what it was about these life challenges that caused people to find themselves. Then I thought, maybe I would do something great with my life if I had some kind of severe difficulty, deprived significantly in some way then my passion will be 'forced' out. Well nothing of the sort happened. Apart from my reading glasses I have no cause for complaint. Everything was "unfortunately" good. Husband, kids, job, home, I should be grateful! Right? Happy!
Wrong! I was not experiencing life in the way I felt was possible. I KNEW there was more to life.
So, with no major life changing accidents I started my journey in search of self, actually I continued my journey, because I had always being on this search. Challenging my family's religious beliefs in my teens, reading and listening to people I "shouldn't" be listening to, exploring information I resonated with from all areas of life, religion, spirituality, coaching, self development, business, entrepreneurs, anyone and anything I admired.
They all said the same thing, LOOK INSIDE! THAT I ALREADY KNEW! Hmmmnn...Now what? How do I look inside?
My journey led me to psychotherapy which resonated with me. What I experienced was experts explaining what I felt I always knew, it made sense to me. I allowed myself relax more and continued my journey inward. Along the way I helped people find the courage to continue their own journey from their 'empty existence'.
I realize that people do not always want to go for therapy or need to. They would rather have genuine conversations and/or self expression about stuff that truly matters to them, not necessarily solving any problems per se.
I believe when people talk about the 'real' stuff (which is different for everybody) they get clearer about who they are, what they want and how best to get it.
I also realize that we all KNOW who we are and what we want, it is our default. Like the apple tree knowing for sure that it would produce apples, there's no doubt or anxiety in this.
Shells must break to set us free whether we want it to or not. The trouble is we keep creating new shells hoping that somehow this new one would finally be permanent. It never is! Our society at this moment may not be supporting us the way we think it should, but that's ok, we'll do it for each other. This is how society changes.
And this is where anxious2bme comes in.
I want to soothe as many people as possible to get on with their journey when they feel stuck. I also want to soothe those who are on their journey and experiencing significant emotional challenges. I soothe through meaningful interactions that validate you. This website is one of many ways.
In soothing I am soothed.
I know it takes courage to be me, to step out. I think it also takes great courage to be you. But The World awaits us! It needs you and it needs me. Let's make the journey one small step at a time, moment by moment.
So, 'Anxious to be me' could mean the crippling uncertainty of trying to be the person you want to be or the excitement at the possibilities of being the person you know you are. Which of these two resonates with you?
Share your thoughts in the comments below or shoot an email to firstname.lastname@example.org I'm excitedly waiting to hear from you.